September 27, 2010

Food, glorious food!

You know what? It's a good thing for all the Blokes Wot Live Here that I can cook. And that I don't mind (usually) doing it. Because if I didn't, OMG. I hate to think. There'd be gnawing on furniture perhaps. Or maybe performances worthy of wee Oliver, complete with eyes the size of dinnerplates, asking forlornly for "More, please?" Or more likely, our freezers would be packed with the kinds of processed foods that Jamie Oliver would have a coronary over.

Like a lot of blokes, if mine have to do more than rip open the packet or open a tin and heat the contents, it's all much too hard. There are NO mini-Jamie's living in this house. Not yet anyway. I wonder if Jamie's newest child, a son, Buddy Bear Maurice (Google it... that's what they called him, truly ruly) will follow in his Dad's footsteps. Possibly not, as a way of getting back at his parents for their choice of name, lol.

I know I'm a good cook (many thanks to the Groovy Grandma for all her recipes over the years!) but am not racing off to apply to Masterchef or anything. Oh, ploise. *laughs at the bizarre notion* Seriously, as much as I'd love to meet the Gregarious Gourmets of the Masterchef World, there's no way I'd put myself through the meat grinder of reality TV for the nation's entertainment, thanks very much. You'd be much better served by snagging an invite to dinner at our house. *g*

But back to my point, my lucky Blokes. Having me. In my kitchen. When you live with a household of blokes there are a few things that are guaranteed:

1. Food and especially GOOD food  -- one of the prime motivators of the male species. If they aren't looking to hunt it down, trap it and tear it apart, they're actually eating it and thinking about the next time they'll get to do just that.

2.  Shopping -- of the food/grocery variety. I'm out there gathering supplies on a regular basis. Really regular basis. I often joke to people that one day I'll buy shares in Coles/Woolworths/Aldi... because I seem to spend so much time and an absolute fortune there! It seems never-ending sometimes. The way we're going, I'll end up needing to buy half a cow when we have a barbecue. And that'll be a problem...FFS, the trolley won't be big enough.

3.  Anything sweet is HEAVEN on earth -- make a dessert for after dinner and you will have them in the palm of your hand. My boys are all very partial to something sweet and I figure if I make it, it'll have less food additives in it and also taste loads nicer. The power of a fruit crumble or lemon delicious cannot be underestimated!

So it's just as well, really. And I do like knowing that they're eating properly. Especially when Son #2 says to me, just before he cut himself another thick slab of homemade cake: "How come I'm hungry all the time, Mum? I just had dinner...." However, cue one satisfied smile as cake disappears. Hole in stomach filled, albeit temporarily.

Ahhh yes.... the joys of growing a Bloke. *g*

September 15, 2010






YHGTBKM*  (see below)

Acronyms. Our world is full of them. Generation Y, those texting champions of the universe, can't live without them. Anything to shorten the length of time it takes to send out a VIT (very important text). Acronyms are everywhere and over everything, spreading faster than rumours of Brad and Angelina's next baby/divorce/threesome. We see them in TV show titles (NCIS, CSI, SVU, Cops LAC, need I go on?), they abound in the world of online blogging (see all of the above... okay, that last one I just made up... can you work it out? Answer below.) and are found in most forms of written material, especially in  advertising.

Now I've been around the traps for a while and thought I'd seen and heard them all but tonight, I saw another one that nearly made me spit out my coffee before I LOLed very loudly, coughed and spluttered, and thought "WTF?", all the while pondering over what inspired this 'gem' of an idea from the copywriter/marketing genius who coined it.

Are you ready for it? Okay. Here it is:  LBL.

LBL? Hmmmm... Long Boozy Lunches? Lucky Bitch Lawyer? How about Large Breasted Lady?

No. Try again: it's  Light Bladder Leakage.

Yes, that's right. Get ready to see this term on every pack of pads in your local supermarket. In bright symbols splashed attractively in neon signage. LBL is the new black in feminine sanitary product advertising, apparently. Every slack-floored woman will want them. I mean, honestly - you should have seen how perky the woman in the commercial looked. Her pelvic floor obviously never had it so good. *g*

* You Have Got To Be Kidding Me

September 2, 2010

I'm back, bruised but unbowed...

You would not believe how my life has been this past month. ZOMG. Try crazy. Frustrating. Heartbreaking. Stressful. More than slightly desperate. But mainly, bloody hard going. There have been more days that I care to remember in the last four weeks when I've woken up and silently pleaded with the universe: "Please, please, please... let today be a good day." As it stands, it's fairly safe to say that 2010 will be remembered as my family's 'Annus Horribilis'. Quite honestly, the Provider and I have definitely earned our parenting stripes these last few weeks; I feel like we need to have a day-long debrief session just to give ourselves time to catch our collective breaths. And then enjoy a drink. Or three.

That's life - or mine at least - and it goes on. As it should. But holy crap, who knew being a parent was this hard? And why the hell was this not mentioned in the glossy colour brochure? There's a saying somewhere that goes a little like this: 'God and/or Life never gives you more than you can handle.' *coughs* Can I just say that 'God and/or Life' has an over-inflated opinion of what I can deal with at one time? FFS. Give a girl a break. Yes, I survived (as did the Provider, without whom I would not have coped, bless him) but there were moments when I felt powerless and totally unable to change the course of events unfolding around us. So not fun.

While I realise you can never be totally prepared for what the future brings, it definitely helps if you've got good people around you. I'm very fortunate in that I do. There's nothing like a bit of drama to bring out the best in some people and I can't help but wonder if maybe that's the upside in this whole thing. Never knowing what we're capable of until it gets right down to the wire. Finding out how well we cope under a bit of pressure. (I think we managed okay. *g*)

However, after a month of more twists and turns than a Cedar Point roller coaster I'm quite happy to have a little less excitement around here, at least for a little while. I'm just getting back to sleeping better at night. *g*
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