April 22, 2012
An Open Letter to Young Teens...
Stop sulking, take the headphones out of your ears, put your iPhone down and LISTEN.
* Parents are not put on this planet simply to make your lives a living hell. That job belongs to some other lucky bastard, like your future boss or wife/husband. We make the decisions we make because we CARE about your wellbeing and safety. If we didn't give a shit, we'd have said that playing in the traffic was a brilliant idea.
* The statement 'everyone else is going' does not stand up as a valid argument or sway our decision one iota. We are NOT the parents of everyone else, thank God, but if we were, they wouldn't be going either.
* We don't care about being your friend. We're not supposed to be. You have 1737385 other friends on Facebook so stop bitching.
* We know you think you are 6 foot tall and bulletproof but here's a newsflash: You're NOT. It has nothing to do with trust. One day you will be a parent and will finally understand what we mean by that. Until then, you have to take it as fact because we say so. There are very few perks in this parenting gig, but this is one so suck it up, sunshine.
* Asking to speak to the other parent about your plans with a kid we haven't met before does not mean we're being paranoid/difficult/unreasonable. Quite the opposite, in fact. It's smart and common sense parenting. Plus it helps set our minds at ease and - as you so eloquently told us - we need to calm the fuck down, so what's the problem?
* And finally, just so you know, we love you. We will always love you. Even when you're being a totally obnoxious, moody, hormonally-fired-up little shit trapped in an adult's body, we will STILL love you.
Because THAT'S what good parents do.
Do you have teenagers in your life? Please tell me I'm not the only one dealing with this kind of stuff! Or maybe you remember what it was like when YOU were a teenager... tell me all about it!