Ain’t that the truth.
I have two dear friends who are in the fresh hell of ending their marriage after ten years. It is raw, painful, incredibly sad and heartbreaking. A trust has been broken. A beautiful family is now grappling with a new reality that will be their lives from now on. Ending a marriage is like a mini-death, in a way. Something treasured and precious has died and you need time to grieve and to mourn what once was.
Just like life, nothing in marriage is guaranteed. It is full of interruptions and complications.
The other end of the spectrum – being married – isn’t always easy either. In fact it’s bloody hard going sometimes. You have to really work at it. All the time. I’ve been married for 17 years, so far. Every year the Provider and I reach another wedding anniversary we have a quiet moment when we remark to each other that we’ve ‘made it through another year without calling in the lawyers.’ It’s our own little in-joke, a way of recognising the effort it takes to stay together, grow and be happy within a marriage.
We’ve had some close calls though, hardly surprising when you consider how strong-minded we both are. There have also been some wicked arguments over the years too but that’s tempered with some of the best times I’ve ever had in my life. I love my husband for many reasons, not least of which is being the man he is but it’s a given that we’ll still argue from time to time. And that’s because my marriage is a fluid thing, it has a continual ebb and flow. The key is to go with the tide and remember another cycle is on the way.
For my friends though, their rhythm has changed, the life they knew now gone forever. In time I hope they find a peace that is sorely absent right now. I am thinking of them both a lot these days.
‘Message in a Bottle‘ came on the radio this afternoon and I immediately reached for the volume. You can tell Sting has been there. He knows the hurt almost as well as he knows the joy. The ying and the yang. That’s what love’s all about, actually.