: Wake up just after 6.30am. Bloody noisy bird in tree outside bedroom window chatting up a storm. Wish for the millionth time I had long range water pistol.

: Thoughts of water reach bladder. Bladder immediately sends message to brain: “Well, seeing as you’re up…”

: Visit bathroom. Make mental note to empty overflowing bin that Provider never seems to notice.

: Go downstairs to let Spencer out. His bladder doesn’t ask, it just GOES.

: Put kettle on, make coffee and sit outside with bouncy, hyperactive and now-toileted dog. Spence overjoyed at having company. Licks hand/leg/face enthusiastically.

: Wonder if mysterious guitar playing neighbour is up. Some early morning music would be nice. Unfortunately that’s not likely though, he/she’s probably still asleep. Lucky schmuck.

 
: Wander inside and see detritus of someone’s late night snack on my previously-cleaned-up kitchen bench. Is it really so hard to put things away in fridge/bin/dishwasher? Honestly?

: Give leftover sausage to drooling dog, received with much gusto. Cue more licking of extremeties. Gah! SPENCE! Stop that!

 
: Spend 5 minutes looking outside for morning paper. Eventually find it in front hedge. Along with one other edition that I once rang to say hadn’t been delivered. Oops.

: Reheat now-cold coffee and steal a quick read of paper before the first of Blokes Wot Live Here stumble downstairs looking for breakfast. 

: Look at clock. It’s 7:19am. This time next week I will have showered, dressed and made two school lunches already. I feel tired just thinking about that.

 
Okay, as you were…