Hello… it’s me.
Adele references aside, I’m back from a very long and mostly unintentional hiatus from writing. Bless me Father for I have sinned… it’s been almost 6 months since I’ve posted something. No religious offence intended.
But like misplacing your glasses or dropping your phone in the toilet these things sometimes just happen. It’s all part of the rich tapestry of life, right? But I spent a long time worrying about my not posting initially. This blog is almost like my ‘other’ baby, my own personal patch of cyber space if you will, and I’d neglected it to the point that Google Analytics would undoubtedly laugh and raise a smug eyebrow at me if I’d ever bothered to check my now-dwindling stats.
I’ve desperately missed the process of putting my thoughts out there and sharing them though. I relish the weight of the words as they travel from head to MacBook, the texture and wonder of them as I edit and organise them into some semblance of articulate expression. And then there’s the interaction with readers and the genuine thrill of reading my words online (something I still feel, even now. Seriously, it never gets old). Like my bio says, writing is my special place.
But this blog is more than that for me. It’s like a diary, almost, which is probably why it’s still here despite my non-posting and I why I haven’t deleted it. I still have diaries from when I was in high school so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised!
The thing I’ve come to realise during this hiatus is that essentially, I write for myself. It’s never been about writing for anyone else. And for me, that’s how it should be. So when I get bogged down with life/work/kids or I simply can’t find more than 10 minutes to sit and get into the zone I need to be in before anything worth reading comes out, my Mojo gets wise and takes a break.
But miracles do happen occasionally… and today I was home on my own, with no plans or places to be. Oh, the possibilities!
It’s taken me a long time since my divorce to adjust to having periods of time solo and for a while I really struggled with that. I used to prowl aimlessly around the house, not knowing what to do with myself; it was like I’d forgotten something yet for the life of me couldn’t remember what it was no matter how hard I tried. That sense of imbalance would plague my head all day leaving me feeling exhausted and very on edge. Not a great place to be in.
I’ve become a lot more adept at dealing with that imbalance in more recent times. As expected, time has worked its magic and helped me adjust to the inevitable changes that divorce brings but combined with some wonderful surprises from the Universe I can honestly say I’m happier now than I’ve ever been.
So I saw the solitude today as a gift, a time to relax and concentrate on me without interruption, as shallow as that may sound. I personally think everyone needs to do this if or when they can, because the benefits are immense. One thing they don’t tell you about being a single parent is that so often it’s the guilt that stops you from enjoying these special little moments. You’re too busy being worried or anxious or stressed out to recognise the treasure they most definitely are. And you need to see them that way, it’s all about embracing the positives where you can. It’s a lesson I’ve learned well over time to the vast benefit of my improved mental state. In my experience, happy parents make for happy kids.
Tomorrow I have a girly day planned with one of my best mates. We’re booked in for spa treatments and an afternoon of lunching, talking, laughing and general bliss. To say I’m looking forward to it would be an understatement. I mean, what’s not to like? Gotta say the mojo is pretty psyched too… always a good thing to have a relaxed and happy mind to begin with.
All things going well, I’ll be back here soon. Cheers to that, peeps.
So going solo… is it your thing or do you hate it? How do you deal with it? What constitutes a miracle in your life?