August 6, 2018

Standing in the middle of life with my plans behind me...

Circa 2000, sleep deprived and probably running on caffeine.

Any mother will tell you, having children changes you. And I don't mean financially or logistically although God knows those two things quickly become very apparent. I'm talking about that salient moment all mothers have when you know life will never be the same for you as a person, especially after Baby #1; you're slumped on the couch probably in milk-stained pyjamas and the situational reality is biting hard - there's no call button for a nurse, you're already missing the thrice-daily trolley rattling down the polished ward floors bearing food someone else made, your boobs are full and hot but not in the good way, and sending the baby to the nursery for an hour to snatch some precious sleep or even a shower is literally a pipe dream. But yet... you look at that baby and it doesn't matter. The love you feel for that child is greater than anything else. Stronger than any of your own needs or wants. You and he are one.

Not unexpectedly I found myself reminiscing about those times yesterday, the day my youngest son turned 18. EIGHTEEN. Can you believe it? My first thought was how the hell did that happen? Followed closely by the WTF knowledge that all my children were now legally considered adults and how crazy was that, I couldn't possibly be old enough yet, could I? Turns out I could, and I am. Children make you acutely aware of time, and he has a warped sense of humour let me tell you. Eighteen years have passed lightspeed quick.

Pregnancy with my youngest had been totally by-the-book normal. I felt fabulous the majority of the way through with minimal morning sickness, no spotting and sporting a shape like my others that was all out-front and carried low. Instinctively I knew he was going to be a boy, even before I saw the telltale confirmation on one of my many ultrasounds. He was child #3 but this was pregnancy #5 so I had a good idea of what to look for by then, being an ultrasound veteran. Yet it wasn't until I'd passed the 20 week mark and feeling mightily encouraged by the the regular kicking of his little feet under my ribs that I finally let myself relax and look ahead.

Like his brothers before him he was 10 days overdue but he made up for it with an arrival that was as speedy as it was efficient, a mere hour and a half from the moment the doctor broke my waters. There may have been a rather intense moment when I would've given any sum of money for pain medication but there was literally no time, this boy had other plans, he was on his way! Three or four pushes and my third son arrived, leaving me both ecstatic and filled with wonder at how my body had again created this precious human being I was beyond happy to meet. Oh there you are, my darling boy. 

And just like that, I was a mother of THREE. And all boys. My grandmother used to say that boys were all rip, shit and bust, and she wasn't far wrong. Life is full, that's for sure, it's a mile a minute but you have to handle it as best you can. With thanks to Forrest Gump for the quote, life's like a box of chocolates - but sometimes with kids by the time you manage to get your hands on that box, all that's left is the Turkish Delight no-one wants and the screwed up wrappers of the ones you do. So you end up eating the Turkish Delight anyway because, (a) it's still chocolate, and (b) the show must go on, right?

Fast forward a few years and those babies grow into toddlers, toddlers become children, and in my case, those children into grunting, forever hungry, active teenage boys who test the very limits of your love, humour and patience... before thankfully turning into gorgeous, hard-working young men who all tower over their now suddenly short mother.

My absolute pride and joy is the boys' bond with each other though, they all share a fierce unstinting loyalty and love that never fails to make me smile. Seeing them together as adults, laughing and enjoying each others company over the weekend was something I held very dear to my heart. That hoped-for reality was what sustained me through those early years of hard graft, surviving on little sleep, 70's classic rock and a politically incorrect sense of humour. I know it was well worth every second!

So, what's next? Well the newest adult in our family finishes Yr 12 in a few months so we're on to the next stage for him. The last few parent-teacher meetings EVER are on the horizon for me. It's exciting, scary and dare I say it, a little emotional for this mother-of-three. But like every other challenge I've had to deal with, this too shall be overcome with a little love, patience, persistence and good old-fashioned humour. It's worked well so far and it will again!

September 4, 2017

04/09: Music For Monday

Well, hello Spring! One of my most favourite times of the year.

It's a lazy Saturday morning as I write this and the sun is finally out, the upshot of that meaning it's warm enough to walk around without slippers on! I'm still in my pyjamas and about to launch into a picture-perfect breakfast of poached egg, avocado, cherry tomatoes and just ONE piece of toasted bread (my first slice for almost 10 days. Am trying to lessen my intake as I've decided it makes me feel too bloated). Add to that some old-school blues crooning softly in the background with the most delicious guitar riffs ever! and you'll get an idea of the very mellow, relaxed feeling we've got going on here this morning.

My youngest is also still in his pajamas post breakfast, curled up on the lounge with our ever-present staffy Spencer, battling multiple foes in Yu-Gi Oh land on his iPad. Spencer eyes me for a second before snuggling in closer, his boy is BACK, baby, and he's loving it.

We both are, Spence, we both are.

It's our first spring in this house. We moved in almost a month ago and it's finally starting to feel like home. We're getting used to our new surroundings and enjoying the freshness and comfort of a more modern abode. Especially in the bathroom! My friends, I cannot overemphasise the joy a shower with decent pressure is bringing this gal. Oh my. The majority of boxes have been unpacked with only a few finishing touches left to do, like hang up all my pictures. (I have quite a lot, as it turns out). I've always thought this is a job you can't rush, sometimes you have to live in a place for a while to figure out where they all should go. I mean, placement of each picture is so important! As is how to hang them... especially when you're renting and have that annoying rule about not being able to whack in a hook wherever you'd like without asking. And, as I patiently explained to the 12 year-old property manager, lots of my framed pictures are heavy and no stick-on hook is gonna hold those babies up, you know what I'm saying?

But we're getting there!

I wanted to share a song that always takes me to that place where life is fluid and easy. Which for me is on the beach with a cocktail, sunnies and a hat. Isn't it cool how music can get you through whatever's going on in your life, soothe, relax, or inspire you? Seriously the best therapy ever. As always, it's been my go-to when things get tough or I need to disconnect a little (along with Netflix - OMG can we talk Ozark please? Wow).

This is a classic from an Australian band, Men At Work. I love Colin Hay, their lead vocalist... he has an incredible purity and strength in his voice which always manages to take me somewhere good. Make sure you check out some of his solo stuff too, it's fabulous!

Happy Monday peeps... turn this up and let your mind drift.

Down by the sea
I found your hidden treasure
Just you and me
We overdosed on pleasure

Men at Work - Down by the sea

May 15, 2017

15/05: Music for Monday...


It's a word often used as a verb these days - adulting - a relative new entry in the vast lexicon of modern day language. It means to conduct oneself in a responsible, mature and correct manner. Adulting is all about being in charge, taking care of business, getting shit done, dotting i's, crossing t's and keeping all your ducks in a row. Without breaking a sweat.


There's a saying: 'Careful what you wish for.' Because often the Universe may decide to give it to you; it'll toss you a curve ball to see you sweat, just for the hell of it. Adulting is what the young always yearn to do, because they think it's all about having the freedom to choose without any restriction. Isn't it obvious, they ask? I know what I'm doing, stop trying to tell me.

But a rueful irony awaits, once they finally get there -  the sudden discovery they didn't actually think about or want, ALL of the responsibility, ALL of the time.

I am, of course, saying all this with tongue firmly planted in my cheek! It's a part of life, growing up and learning to build and create a life, as well as look after yourself. Most days I do it reasonably well but some days I'm really shit at it. And that's okay, because I know there's always another chance to do it better tomorrow. I do find however managing the daily practice of of 'adulting' can be eased and in fact, enhanced with a little humour. And perhaps a red wine or two.

My girlfriends and I have had fun with this idea when we've been out in the past, joking with the security staff as they check for underage patrons. 'Go on, I know you want to ask... let me get my ID out for you." To their credit, they usually keep their comments to themselves and merely respond like the smart arse penguin from the Madagascar movies: doubt of course, wishing their own mothers were as hip and chill in their pre-adulting skills as my girls and I are. Regardless that the days of being asked for age ID are so long ago for us the ship has not only sailed but is scuttled and now used as a diving wreck. Ahem.

But I digress.

My boys are at varying stages of the adulting spectrum. My youngest is still at school, middle son already with a year in the workforce under his belt and my eldest right in the thick of it, recently moved into a new house with his beautiful girl and both of them adjusting to life with the trifecta of a mortgage, bills and responsibility. How things have changed! Exciting times.

This post and today's selection for Music for Monday was inspired by a song I heard on the radio on my way home from work... before I went to pick up a load of firewood, race into the supermarket to pick up a few things for dinner, pay three bills via Netbank and answer emails. All tasks carried out by me. (see: adulting).

Happy Monday, peeps.

I can sleep in til noon any time that I want
Though there's not many days that I do
Gotta get up and take on that world
When you're an adult it's no cliche its the truth 

'Cause I'm an adult now
I'm an adult now
I've got the problems of an adult
On my head and on my shoulders
I'm an adult now

The Pursuit of Happiness - I'm An Adult Now

May 5, 2017

IT is the new black...

I have a new appreciation today for anyone who is fully conversant in the language of IT. As in Information Technology. Computers. Take it from me, you're all bloody amazing. IT brainiacs are the new black, people... the next big thing, the ducks NUTS. Because without them, our technologically charged lives cease to run the way they're supposed to if there's a problem.

I'm pretty much self taught in all things computer related and that has mostly served me well over the years. I'm on the computer most days with my job so you pick up things as you go, but the little scenario I found myself in was a doozy and fell well outside of my scope of knowledge.

As these things so often do, it all started because of a ridiculous rookie error on my part involving my credit card and the registration of my domain name expiring. The resulting domino effect that ensued afterward threw me into an IT hell/limbo for weeks, the final kicker of this minor miscalculation saw my website being taken offline.

Uh, excuse me? SAY IT AIN'T SO!

Despite my numerous, desperate emails to relevant Google department people for help (because wouldn't you know it, there is no phone number to a flesh and blood person you can actually TALK to) and receiving formulaic replies with links to instructions I couldn't follow, I became more confused and increasingly frustrated. Have you seen those GIFS of a person throwing their computer at the wall? That was me. Except for the part of actually doing it because well, you know, that would be silly. And expensive. But boy oh boy, I REALLY felt like it.

But then a miracle happened.... I found Troy. *cue choir of heavenly angels*

Troy is a legend. Troy works for a company that my boss uses for all our company IT needs. He's one of those guys who is super smart with the assured attitude of a computer whisperer who knows his IT shit. We all need a guy like Troy. He did not once ridicule me for my lack of knowledge, snigger under his breath at my layman's explanation of the problem, or even tut-tut at my occasional lack of correct terminology. Oh no. Not Troy.

In short, he was awesome. Problem solved in a mere 20 minutes! Wham bam, thank you ma'am! I cannot tell you the relief I felt when I saw my website load onto the screen again. Welcome back, baby.

So from the bottom of my heart, thank you Troy!! Thank you for your brain, your patience and your sense of humour while dealing with this slightly frazzled blogger. So very much appreciated, mate.

I feel like I need to send Troy a case of whatever he drinks. Whatever your average tech genius drinks these days.

So how about you guys? Are you computer literate? 
Do you know your DNS from your URL? 
Or is it all double dutch to you too?

July 18, 2016

18/07: Music for Monday...

I've been writing in one form or another for what seems like forever. For pleasure and as part of my job. The joy of the written word has always resonated strongly within me, fostered and encouraged by my beautiful mother, a voracious reader like myself. Fellow readers will understand and appreciate our devotion to the theory that the best kind of insulation you can ever have in your house is a bookcase stacked with books!

But being a typical Pisces girl, I also spend a lot of time in my head thinking and daydreaming. Not to the point of forgetting what I'm doing but let's just say it's probably rather fortunate I can multi-task like a boss! Turning over a few hundred different ideas in my head while I'm doing something else happens quite often.

I used to write little short stories in primary school, graduating to filling red and green covered diaries with my thoughts and girlish fancies all the way through high school. Oh, the angst of those teenage times! Writing took a backseat for a brief period post leaving school. I was consumed with the serious business of applying myself to the pursuit of being young and free and enjoying my independence, along with the responsibilities of my first job. But the words wouldn't be denied and after my first son was born, I began to write again when he slept, emptying my mind and filling page after page of spiral bound exercise books.

I wrote about my hopes and dreams, my worries and my fears; the constant conflict every new mother has about whether she will be enough, combined with the physical and mental impact a baby undoubtedly brings to your life. I drained the ink of countless pens whilst writing it all down the old school way, in long hand. Looking back, the fact I had an outlet to evaluate what I was feeling and put it onto paper helped me immensely, especially during those early years coping with life as a new mother. At the time I don't think I realised how much it really did. I certainly do now, though.

Thinking about writing was the prompt for today's Music for Monday choice and to be honest, there are thousands of songs whose lyrics speak to me, it just depends on my mood! However I was reminded of this little gem today and after listening to it again, I remembered why I love it so much.

This song about daughters is beautiful for so many reasons; not least of which is the reminder that a father and a mother set the example for all little girls to look up to and how special that relationship truly is.

Happy Monday, peeps.

Fathers, be good to your daughters
Daughters will love like you do
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers
So mothers, be good to your daughters too

John Mayer - Daughters

July 4, 2016

04/07: Music for Monday ...

I've loved music for as long as I can remember. Like forever. I literally cannot function without it taking up some part of my day. There is nothing else on the planet with the ability to get me smiling, moving, coping, thinking (or not-thinking, as the case might be) faster than time with a large thumping dose of aural goodness into my ears.

Music has had my back whenever and wherever I've needed it, on more occasions than I can count. It has tirelessly soothed, inspired, eased, motivated, enhanced and/or distracted. I've powered through countless hours of housework, gardening, dog-walking and driving, not to mention rocking out at concerts, days at the beach, drinking on hot summer nights and intimate moments after dark with music my ever-present partner, loyal to the end. It's the perfect accompaniment for anything and everything and can be all things to all kinds of people. That's the cool thing about it.

Just like eating and sleeping as long as this half-century old heart still pumps blood around my body, for me music will be an essential part of my life, every day. As the very wise Jimi Hendrix once said: "Music is my religion." Amen to that, brother.

Music has provided a soundtrack of virtually every major event in my life right through to plenty of not so major ones. Isn't it amazing how listening to a certain song will take you right back to where you were the first time you heard it? I love how that happens. Music's kind of like a super food for your soul and let's face it, we could all use a bit of self-care there, especially lately. With the world in the current state it is in, we could do worse than to take time out for a bit of internal nourishment.

Regular readers of this blog will know of my Music for Monday posts. Despite my lack of posting of late, I still get asked about them so it was only a matter of time before I brought them back... arm twisting not required at ALL.

So last night I was mentally sifting through possible choices to kick it all off when the answer serendipitously appeared. I was watching the last episode of Californication, after 6 weeks of romping through all 7 very funny seasons showcasing the comedic chops of the equally sexy and talented David Duchovny (seriously, how gorgeous is that man? Motherf*cker! Californication devotees will get the reference, haha!).

The final few minutes of Hank Moody introspection were underscored by one of my favourite songs from Elton John's early years. It was the perfect choice for the way the series ended and even though the song was released in 1972, it sounded just as good now as it did then - the sign of a true classic if ever there was one.

Happy Monday, peeps.

And I think it's gonna be a long, long time
Til touchdown brings me round again to find
I'm not the man they think I am at home
Oh no, no, no... I'm rocket man

Elton John - Rocket Man

July 2, 2016

Hello from the Other Side...

Hello... it's me.

Adele references aside, I'm back from a very long and mostly unintentional hiatus from writing. Bless me Father for I have sinned... it's been almost 6 months since I've posted something. No religious offence intended.

But like misplacing your glasses or dropping your phone in the toilet these things sometimes just happen. It's all part of the rich tapestry of life, right? But I spent a long time worrying about my not posting initially. This blog is almost like my 'other' baby, my own personal patch of cyber space if you will, and I'd neglected it to the point that Google Analytics would undoubtedly laugh and raise a smug eyebrow at me if I'd ever bothered to check my now-dwindling stats.

I've desperately missed the process of putting my thoughts out there and sharing them though. I relish the weight of the words as they travel from head to MacBook, the texture and wonder of them as I edit and organise them into some semblance of articulate expression. And then there's the interaction with readers and the genuine thrill of reading my words online (something I still feel, even now. Seriously, it never gets old). Like my bio says, writing is my special place.

But this blog is more than that for me. It's like a diary, almost, which is probably why it's still here despite my non-posting and I why I haven't deleted it. I still have diaries from when I was in high school so I guess I shouldn't be surprised!

The thing I've come to realise during this hiatus is that essentially, I write for myself. It's never been about writing for anyone else. And for me, that's how it should be. So when I get bogged down with life/work/kids or I simply can't find more than 10 minutes to sit and get into the zone I need to be in before anything worth reading comes out, my Mojo gets wise and takes a break.

But miracles do happen occasionally... and today I was home on my own, with no plans or places to be. Oh, the possibilities!

It's taken me a long time since my divorce to adjust to having periods of time solo and for a while I really struggled with that. I used to prowl aimlessly around the house, not knowing what to do with myself; it was like I'd forgotten something yet for the life of me couldn't remember what it was no matter how hard I tried. That sense of imbalance would plague my head all day leaving me feeling exhausted and very on edge. Not a great place to be in.

I've become a lot more adept at dealing with that imbalance in more recent times. As expected, time has worked its magic and helped me adjust to the inevitable changes that divorce brings but combined with some wonderful surprises from the Universe I can honestly say I'm happier now than I've ever been.

So I saw the solitude today as a gift, a time to relax and concentrate on me without interruption, as shallow as that may sound. I personally think everyone needs to do this if or when they can, because the benefits are immense. One thing they don't tell you about being a single parent is that so often it's the guilt that stops you from enjoying these special little moments. You're too busy being worried or anxious or stressed out to recognise the treasure they most definitely are. And you need to see them that way, it's all about embracing the positives where you can. It's a lesson I've learned well over time to the vast benefit of my improved mental state. In my experience, happy parents make for happy kids.

Tomorrow I have a girly day planned with one of my best mates. We're booked in for spa treatments and an afternoon of lunching, talking, laughing and general bliss. To say I'm looking forward to it would be an understatement. I mean, what's not to like? Gotta say the mojo is pretty psyched too... always a good thing to have a relaxed and happy mind to begin with.

All things going well, I'll be back here soon. Cheers to that, peeps.

So going solo... is it your thing or do you hate it? How do you deal with it? What constitutes a miracle in your life? 

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